Chapter 2 - "Welcome to the War - Days 1 through 10"

Chapter 2 - “Welcome to the War - Days 1 through 10”

* The Havaheart Trap *

The first thing you learn about this trap is that it is very true that the individual that benefits from it is the intended quarry – but they don’t tell you he is the ONLY one who does. The second thing is that all manuals lie, essentially. The third thing is that looking stuff up on the Web can lead you into a trap yourself. This, from the About.com’s area on “Live Animal Traps for Pest Control”:

Havahart live animal traps (sometimes misspelled "Have-A-Heart" traps) are fun, durable and effective animal trapping devices. Since animals are trapped unharmed and later released (relocated), the humane prefer this method of garden pest control.

Yep. Strike out the entire first sentence – it’s a lie. This also by default makes sentence 2 a falsehood. Furthermore, the goal of sentence 2 is the same as finding that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Nice thought, but impossible.

Havaheart on the picnic table, ready to ‘lock and load’, I am hit right off the bat with a problem: I don’t have three hands. You have to see this thing to believe it! It has two doors, one in front, the other in the rear and some bits and pieces of metal on the outside of the trap that are supposed to be the setting mechanism. Anyone here old enough to remember Pinky Lee? He was the ‘pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time’ comic who drove us crazy with his little ‘exercise.’ Well, setting the Havaheart is suspiciously reminiscent of Pinky. The difference is, with his little ditty you only need two hands; with this trap, you need three. No matter what I did or how I did it, it was impossible to get both doors open, locked and loaded at the same time and MOVE the dang thing from the table to the ground. Oh, sure…go on! Advise me: do this with the trap setting on the ground – right? With two artificial knees and one fake hip, this is like experiencing some type of devious torture. Fageddaboudit. I’m doing this standing up.

So, back to the Internet I go to look up “How to set the Havaheart trap.” I printed out the online directions and scotch-taped them to my refrigerator door. Oh, how simple they make it all sound! Here are the directions and my results over the past 10 days:

• 1
Choose the size that meets the needs of your target animal. Havahart manufactures traps in sizes that accommodate animals ranging in size from mice to raccoons or small dogs.

Check. Exchanged trap back at clinic for a smaller one as first one’s grid was too large. Wicky easily slipped in and out in a little puff of smoke, like David Copperfield,  probably giggling insanely the whole time!

• 2
Buy a trap that opens at both ends for nervous animals. Some animals fear entering an enclosure without an additional escape route and double-ended traps give these animals the confidence to enter the trap.

…and make sure you sprout that extra hand. You’re going to need it for this little gizmo.

• 3
Test the trap to make sure the door is operating properly. If the door closes too slowly for your intended target animal, you can hasten its speed by weighting the top of the door with small rocks.

Uh huh! NOT! I double-dare you to put anything heavier than a sneeze on top of that little door and see it remain open! It ain’t happening in this universe!

• 4
Leave the trap outdoors for several days in the nuisance animal's territory before you set the trap. This allows the animal to become accustomed to the trap and permits weathering of the trap.

Gotcha. Did this, and forgot the trap for two whole days. Hey..I have other things going on in my life, ya know! By mistake, I actually did the right thing (1 point for me).

• 5
Bait the trap with a lure with the highest appeal to the target species. Meat eating animals such as skunks, dogs, cats and raccoons go for moist dog or cat food. Rodents prefer nuts. Rabbits and groundhogs enjoy fresh produce.


Honestly, little Wicky has a very well developed palate. He has so far enjoyed peanuts, lettuce, cherry tomatoes, celery, cabbage, and all kinds of cookies, crackers, Fritos, and at least once, a dollop of sour cream. Curiously, his diet is very much like my own. Cause for concern, I think.

Note to self: do NOT put the trap on Mother Earth ground (dirt, grass, garden bed). This will teach the animal to dig UNDERNEATH the trap to secure food through the bottom of the trap. Concrete is much better (but do not place trap over the seam between two concrete slabs. He will dig beneath the seam of dirt, then re-read sentences 1 and 2 of this paragraph again.)

• 6
Check the trap at least twice a day. Trapped animals can injure themselves in escape attempts or die from exposure, which defeats the purpose of humane trapping.

Well, they don’t know Wicky! Somehow, I am sure he will figure out a way – make no mistake about that! In fact, I think he is even thinking about writing his own manual, and if not, he should.

• 7
Contact your local humane society or local game commission about releasing your catch. The law protects some species and local officials can determine the appropriate way to handle your trapped animal.
 

Talk about pie-in-the-sky pipe dreams! I am longing for the moment when I load up the trap in my car and take him over to our clinic, proudly showing our Director “Hey…I got him!” It’s become a quest, a vocation, a fantasy – almost like that kid in Christmas Story who wanted that Range Rider BB gun so badly! I don’t care if I shoot my eye out – I want to CATCH THIS LITTLE (pardon the expression) RAT!

Anyway, all of this aside, I continue daily to reload the trap. Wicky has learned to watch out for me, Max, the dogs and kids next door, and I swear, he has memorized our time tables! Somehow, he times it perfectly and knows when to scoot out from underneath our shed, and when to lay low.

This has now become a full-fledged war! I’ve even taken to emailing my husband at work, just to give him regular updates, and one day, he shot me back the following. Designed to give me some hope and encouragement, it only caused me to laugh so hard for three whole hours that I couldn’t clear my brain enough to get back to the battle at hand:

                                 
                                                 "I will send reinforcements!!"

To be continued....