Writers Group Assignment: Our Choice of Topic

When the Well Goes Dry

For those of us who love to write there comes a time for all of us when a curious phenomenon hits, called Writer's Block, or as I like to call it, 'When the Well Goes Dry.'  Right now, it feels as if my well is pretty much dried up.  For me, this is truly a highly unusual state because almost always I can find something that I would like to write about.  But, not right now.

I can't write about it much because it is still much too painful to even think about, but just last week we lost our beloved dog who was our faithful and loving companion for the past 14 years.  And that is the last sentence I'm going to write on that for this essay.  But the curious thing is that it seems my emotions have dried up as well, and for me I'm beginning to realize that once the emotions go so does any feeling to write.

On my very first plane trip, when I went to visit my parents in Florida for the first time, it was as natural as rain for me to grab my notebook and my pen and write down every little detail of my trip from the super-fast take off to the floating bubble-like landing.  The results of that essay were actually hilarious, and it kept my parents entertained for a while.  That is when my mother confessed that she had saved all of my writings from when I was a young child, which filled me with a sense of nostalgia and pleasure.  She ran to fetch the folder which she lovingly kept in her bureau drawer and when I opened it, it was as if I stepped back in time.  We enjoyed reading through it together.

When mom came to live with us for the last three years of her life, I kept a journal of her last several months.  That was the time when mom was terminally ill with cancer and was receiving hospice care, here in our home.  For some strange reason it gave me a lot of comfort after she passed to read what I had written about her final months.  It was almost as if she were still here with me, looking over my shoulder and silently reading along with me.

Then there was the time about 10 years ago when my husband and I went through a very rough patch in our marriage.  Needless to say, I grabbed my computer and kept a long, heart wrenching journal of the events as they transpired.  This, too, gave me a measure of comfort, or balance, both during our trial and for a period of time afterward.We were able to resolve our differences and to go on with our relationship, thank
God.

However, this time, it is as if someone flipped the switch on my heart and simply turned it off.  I do not feel my heartbeat, I feel no air coming into my lungs, and I have to concentrate to feel the warmth of the hot sun on my skin.  Food does not interest me, and indeed, I lost 12 pounds in just one week.  My grief was so all-consuming that it feels as if I am the ghost, the shadow of the being who was once here.  I next found it absolutely impossible to write on any topic because the one I want to write on the most, I cannot.  And so, this piece is on "when the well goes dry".  For me, it means that my bank account of emotions at at the moment is overdrawn, and there are no more emotions to be spent right now.

For now, my emotional account needs a chance to fill up with deposits again, and I know that it will.  But for the time being, I have to be content with writer's block.  I know, at least I hope, that in the whole scheme of my life this short-fall is only temporary, and as my life goes on, there will be many deposits made into my emotional account. All it takes is to live, and that, I intend to do.