THTSL Manual: The Kook Next Door

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Just a matter of time is all it took, and I am sure that I have been officially dubbed "The Kook Next Door." I guess I can live with that; at least, it's not 'The Neighborhood Kook', which honor goes to the old man way up the street, the one who collects the chestnuts from the tree bordering the field across the street. Not a bad hobby at all, except, he manages somehow to go into the horse's enclosure to get his prize chestnuts. Strange things happen when you live in the same neighborhood as a farm school, so just accept what I'm saying for now and I will explain further a little later on. Anyway, I digress....


I decided to concentrate a little bit on our front yard. With a new landscaper to do the more exhausting chores, this frees me up to do those little side things, like killing annoying weeds between the cracks in the sidewalk. I'm telling you, those weeds are the bane of existence! Everything else looks almost picture-perfect: every plant is growing, right where its supposed to grow, and the solar garden lights all really light up at night (even the one I accidentally stepped on and is lying on its side with its broken stem as useless as a cat's hairball), and so on. Everything's great EXCEPT for those stubborn, healthy, thriving and totally unwanted weeds in between the slabs of concrete that make up our front walk. I know what you're thinking...why not just buy some weed killer and be done with them? No way, Jose. Not again, at least. The last time I did that I forgot to read the damn label on the bottle and squirted weeds willy-nilly without the benefit of rubber gloves protecting my hands. That night, I made fresh meatballs, carefully rolling the meat in my hands to make the golf-ball sized entree -- and wound up poisoning myself for an entire night and half the next day. Thank GOD no one else was home that night to eat the meatballs, but still, it was bad enough.

Anyway....NO poison. I just can't take that chance with Max living here, and with neighborhood kids and other dogs wandering the neighborhood, so forth and so on. So, I had an inspiration! Somewhere along the way, I remember reading about someone using boiling water to kill weeds. They said it was simple, clean and if you weren't clumsy, a very safe way to kill the little buggers. I went inside to put the kettle on, as well as two huge pots of water, and in jig time, I had all 3 boiling away, with me cackling with glee like the witches from MacBeth (at least, I think it was MacBeth...my memory isn't what it used to be)!

I hurried outside and began to gently pour boiling water from my tea kettle on the green, unsuspecting plants. I began to giggle a bit, very pleased with myself for this amazing brainstorm, and started talking out loud to myself, something along the lines of ,"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!"

 Then, I heard a gentle cough...and looked up to see my new neighbor staring at me, looking a bit confused and more than a bit worried.

"Good morning!" I chirped, still giddy with glee over my great idea.

"Uh....Hi..." he responded. "If I may ask, what are you doing?" He didn't look as curious as he did really worried.

"I'm killing...." but before I could say "weeds", a sight more horrible than a dozen eggs dropped on the floor met my eyes. To my horror, four or five wiggly, frantic and probably very p**** off earth worms were trying their best to flee the boiling flood from hell -- and for all intents and purposes, looked like they were coming straight AT me! A little-known fact in these parts is that I hate -- and I mean totally loathe -- worms of ANY type, and most especially earth worms! Just the sight of one on the pavement is enough to send me walking way out of my way around it, afraid it is going to somehow touch me (God forbid!).

And, with that I screamed out, "WORMS!"

"Uh...yeah...right. Well you have a good day, ok?" he finished lamely, scooting really fast into his car.

Oh, well. Some days it just doesn't pay to try and explain what you are doing. I must have looked a fright with that hot kettle dangling from my hand, and trying to catch up with his car for a little ways as he backed out of his driveway. I'm not sure, but I think that only made things worse!

Well, I think that did it. With one successful try, I've moved out of the realm of 'eccentric lady next door'  to 'the kook who kills worms'. Yeah...maybe so. But at least I own the Queen of Green, who lives just out back, and I'm sure she would have nodded her approval , had she seen me doing my thing.

Yep, it is going to be some summer!